


Keeping Up With The Lehnsherrs

by tommyshepherdd (atimeforflores)



Category: Marvel (House of M), Marvel 616, Young Avengers
Genre: F/M, Family, Father-Daughter Relationship, Fluff, I watched nine seasons of Keeping Up With The Kardashians for this, M/M, Mother-Son Relationship, Nothing Hurts, reality television, what am I doing with my life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2018-03-21 18:06:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3701577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atimeforflores/pseuds/tommyshepherdd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What could possibly go wrong when the king of Genosha agrees to a reality TV show of his family?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lehnsherr Household 1

The scene opened outside of huge mansion that seemed to made with different types of metal; it then changed to one with a man sipping a cup of coffee in a striped robe while reading the newspaper; he had prominent age lines on his face yet sat regally like he was in a throne room rather than the kitchen table. Beside him sat a bald man in a wheelchair, drinking tea and humming to himself. Out of the camera’s range a door slammed, and the first man made eye contact with the camera, letting out a heavy sigh.

 

…

 

“It’s not that i don’t love my children,” The man was now wearing a black suit, complete with a maroon tie. Under him floated ERIK LEHNSHERR - RULER OF GENOSHA/MUTANTS RIGHTS ‘ACTIVIST’, “I just love them a lot more when they’re not in my house.”

 

“Erik,” chastises a voice from out of screen, causing Erik to roll his eyes to the sky.

 

Erik leans forward conspiringly to whisper, “They were a lot cuter when they couldn’t talk. Or move. Or do much of anything other than eat and sleep.”

 

…

 

A young woman walked into the kitchen, the only thing higher than her heels was the green hair piled on top of her head that was crafted in some sort of intricate bun. The camera zoomed in on the long legs that disappeared under the cream romper that she was wearing; it totally missed the rude hand gesture she gave but the cameraman did not.

 

“Daddy,” she said, walking over and plopping herself into the bald man’s lap.

 

“Yes, dear?” he asked, smiling at her sweetly while Erik looked on in mildly disguised disgust. 

 

…

 

“Lorna was our late baby,” The bald man said, smiling into the camera. Under him was the title: PROFESSOR CHARLES XAVIER - CONSORT OF GENOSHA/MUTANTS RIGHTS ACTIVIST. “The twins were already in high school and, well, Erik says i got empty nest syndrome. So we got Lorna!”

 

“Yes,” Erik’s voice was heard, though fainter than usual, “Daddy’s little princess.”

 

…

 

“You were supposed to take me dress shopping today, remember?” Lorna fluttered her eyes at her father, linking her arms around his neck and pouting. Erik once again made eye contact with the camera and rolled his eyes.

 

“Oh, of course.” Charles said, patting his daughter on the thigh while smiling up at her, “It just slipped my mind!” 

 

Lorna stood up, brushing off her romper and then snagging a piece of toast off of Erik’s plate, ignoring his glare. Charles handed her his tea, which she took with a soft smile. 

 

“Let me get dressed and we shall go,” Charles rolled out of the kitchen, missing the look Lorna and Erik shared.

 

…

 

“Vati and Dad are both good parents.” Lorna picked at her nails, clearly bored, “Vati likes to act like he’s all tough, but i can assure that he is even more of pushover than Dad.” 

 

LORNA DANE: PRINCESS OF GENOSHA floated under her. 

  
“Can I go yet?” she asked, giving the camera an annoyed look before standing up and walking away. The camera followed her movement before it started shaking and was brought to the glaring face of Erik. It then turned black.


	2. Chapter 2

**Maximoff Household**

 

The sound of glass breaking filled the marble mansion, followed by a woman yelling.

 

A heavily pregnant woman came rushing into the room, half of her hair in curlers with a silk and burgundy robe drawn tightly over her body.

 

"Thomas! William!" She shouted, hands on her hips, "If I have to tell you to stop fighting one more time!"

 

A boy with white hair ran into the room, before hiding behind the woman. An identical boy, only this time with dark hair came into the room but he was floating, encircled in a glow of blue.

 

"Mom!" The boy behind the woman whined, clutching at her robe, "Billy started it!"

 

"No I didn't!" The darker boy slowly lowered himself to the floor, crossing his arms. He glared back at the white haired boy, an identical look of anger.

 

"I don't care who started it!" She snapped, rubbing her stomach in irritation, "I'm ending it!"

 

...

 

"Yes, I am the oldest." The title WANDA MAXIMOFF - HEIRESS TO GENOSHA flashed across the screen, under the woman and her now perfectly curled hair and makeup, "Heir and a spare deal, if you will."

 

"The twins were born a little more than sixteen years ago," there was another crash in the background, while Wanda threw the camera a dry look, "and they haven't stopped fighting since."

 

…

 

“I mean, sure Dad’s away a lot.” the boy with white hair said as he slung an arm around his brother. PRINCE THOMAS hung under him, and PRINCE WILLIAM under the dark haired twin. “He’s a diplomat between Genosha and the United States.”

 

Prince William nodded along, leaning back into his brother. “I just hope that the baby doesn’t come when he’s away.”

 

The twins shared a grimace and a shudder.

 

…

 

“Tommy!” Wanda called, pulling a burgundy cardigan over her black dress, “Did you get the drinks out of the freezer last night like I told you to?”

 

“Of course I did!” Tommy shouted back before mouthing ‘shit, shit, shit’ towards the camera.

 

“Billy!” She continued as the other boy walked into the room with arms full of bags of chips, “oh, there you are. Tommy, go grab some bowls for the chips.”

 

“Yes, mom,” Tommy muttered before blurring out of the room and appearing a moment later, glass bowls stacked up and looking ready to crash to the ground.

 

“Tommy, I swear to God…” Wanda wagged her finger at him with a small smile on her face, her other hand coming up to rub at her large stomach. “Just be careful.”

 

The camera panned back over to Billy, still laden down with the chips, but he started dropping some. He tried to juggle them but pressed one bag too tight to his chest, causing it to explode, all over the floor.

 

…

 

WANDA MAXIMOFF - HEIRESS TO GENOSHA

 

“It is Father and Vati’s anniversary.” Wanda spoke, her head held regally high. The camera caught the glint of her earrings as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “25 years of marriage, if I am correct. Pietro and I were eight at the time.”

 

There was a crash from off screen, and Wanda lifted one hand; a flash of red came out of it and out of sight, a few yelps were heard from the other room.

 

“I just sent them to their rooms.” She told the camera, “I didn’t want the boys fighting around the decorations, but if they fight in their rooms the only things they can destroy are their own. The party starts in less than 2 hours, and I will not let my sons ruin it.”

 

She sighs wistfully, “Only five hours of celebration, Wanda, only five hours.”

 

…

 

“So, do you think Teddy will be here today?” Billy asked, laying on a green colored bed. Judging by the state of the room, it was Tommy’s; there were at least three pizza boxes on the floor, a pile of dirty clothing in one corner, and an overflowing trash bin.

 

“Why the hell would Prince Dork be at Grandpa and Grampneto’s ‘Congrats for having a legal standing’ party?” Tommy asked from his place beside Billy.

 

“You’re an asshole.” Billy responded, turning over to punch his brother in the arm, “When’s the last time you even cleaned this place?”

 

“The last time you had a date, nerd.” Tommy punched him back.

 

“You are so full of shit.” Billy told him, moving to get up.

 

“Take that back!” and then Tommy threw himself up, and into Billy knocking them both onto the floor and into a wrestling match.

 

“I hate you!” Billy howled from where Tommy had gotten him pinned, and was rubbing a pair of dirty shorts in his face.

 

“Don’t be such a baby!” Tommy told him as Billy started bucking to get him off, “Woah, no homo, bro! I mean I know that I’m hot and everything.”

 

The next few words that Billy said had to censored out to keep the show PG-13.

 

…

 

PRINCE THOMAS & PRINCE WILLIAM

 

“Yeah, Grandad and Grampneto raised us for the first six years of our lives.” Tommy said, looking a little bored, “Mom took us back when she was what, 22? 23?”

 

“She was 17 when she had us.” Billy added, leaning into his brother.

 

“I don’t blame her,” Tommy shrugged his shoulders, jostling his brother who groaned, “She was young, couldn’t care for babies in the way she needed to be able to. If anything, I think it was the most responsible thing she could have done.”

 

Billy nodded along, “She went to college, got an education and a job. Then she took us back.”

 

“Dad was back in the picture then too.” Tommy interjected, “Its kind of hard to raise kids when you’re weird robot dad is trying to destroy the world.”

 

“And now Jonas is coming.” Billy finished. He made a hand gesture towards his stomach before stretching his arms out wide. Then he yelped when a red spark came into the camera’s view and hit his side.

 

…

 

“Okay, people are starting to arrive.” the camera narrowed in on the twins standing in the foyer, faces pressed to the window.

 

“Aren’t we supposed to get the door?” Billy asked, pulling himself away from the window. He quickly used his button-up’s sleeve to try to wipe away the smears, gaining an amused look from his brother. As if on cue the doorbell rang.

 

“It’s just Pietro.” Tommy muttered back, making faces as the older man through the glass. Pietro began to press the doorbell faster and faster.

 

“But his hands are full-” Billy protested, being cut off when Pietro finally yanked the door open himself, glaring at his nephews as they gave him identical innocent looks.

 

“Take this.” Pietro grunted, pressing his daughter into Tommy’s arms. Luna snuffled, burying her cold nose in Tommy’s neck as she continued to sleep. He glared at his nephews again, struggling with the large gift baskets on his arms.

 

“Well,” Tommy said, gesturing with one arm as the other sat firmly under Luna’s butt, “You know your way around. You’ve slept on our couch enough times, so I hope you would.”

 

“You’re a terrible person.” Pietro told him, speeding off to the family room where the presents were supposed to be dropped at. The main party was in the backyard, but the presents were in the family room, while the food was set out in the dining room and kitchen.

 

Tommy sighed happily, “That I am.”

 

Luna chose that moment to float into consciousness and sneeze on him.

 

…

 

The party was in full swing when Erik and Charles arrived, Tommy having lost his shirt and dancing on top of one of the picnic benches by the pool. Luna had been passed off to Billy, sitting comfortably on a lounge chair.

 

“Has he been drinking?” Erik whispered to Charles out of the corner of his mouth, eyeing Lorna- who was manning the outdoor bar -suspiciously as she passed Pietro something neon colored.

 

“That’s just his personality!” Billy called over to them, waving in greeting. Luna still was asleep, a new puddle of drool running down Billy’s v-neck, a dashing of hair just peeking out.

 

Erik raised one eyebrow in response, turning away to hide his fond smile.

 

“Is he allowed back into the school yet?” Charles questioned, thinking fondly of the academy he had started so many years ago. The bald man wheeled over to where his grandchildren were laying, brushing a gentle hand through Luna’s hair. She made a little noise before mouthing at Billy’s shirt and prying her eyes open.

 

“Hi, grandpa.” She muttered, climbing over the side of the chair and into her grandpa’s lap before settling down contently.

 

“No.” Billy answered his question, shaking his head, “Miss Frost said he can’t come back until he has full control of his more explosive power, or his temper. So he’s doing online classes for the foreseeable future.”

 

Charles sighed, “He takes too much after his grandfather, I’m telling you.”

 

They both looked over to Erik, who seemed to have gotten in another argument with Pietro. From what they could hear it was about the younger male’s new lip piercing.

 

Tommy kept checking his phone, face lighting up when there was the sound of the doorbell ringing.

 

“I’ll get it!” He yelled, running into the house before anyone could blink. Charles and Billy shared a look, Billy breaking it off to turn to look in the camera mouthing, “Send help”.

 

…

 

PRINCE THOMAS

 

Tommy squirmed in his seat, looking like he was on the manic side of gleeful. He looked both ways, making sure no one else was there to hear him before leaning and whispering, “I ordered strippers.”

 

He leaned back, giggling to himself before becoming somber. He looked straight into the camera, an almost dead look in his eyes, “Mom is going to kill me.”

 

…

 

“THOMAS MAXIMOFF!” Wanda looked furious. It was dark, everyone having left. Even Pietro didn’t stick around to watch Wanda’s wrath, muttering about having to get Luna to Crystal’s even if everyone knew that he still had two more days with her.

 

Tommy shrunk in his seat, cowering away from his mother.

 

“I cannot believe you!” She continued, pacing angrily. She rubbed irritated circles on her stomach, glaring at her eldest son, “What made you think that was a good idea.”

 

“I didn’t?” Tommy answered timidly. He could see Billy out of the corner of his eye, leaning in the doorway watching the whole proceedings.

 

“Obviously not!” Wanda groaned, dropping her body into the love seat, “How did you even pay for them?”

 

Tommy shifted uncomfortably, “I may have borrowed Uncle Pietro’s credit card?”

 

Wanda let out a harsh breath, counting to ten before she spoke again, “Go to your room. We will talk about this more in depth when I don’t have the overwhelming urge to throttle you.”

 

The camera didn’t even pick up his movement by how fast he was going.

 

…

 

“She hates me.” A voice muttered miserably. The camera narrowed in on a door, open just a crack. It was Tommy’s room, Tommy laying in the bed with Billy beside him.

 

“No she doesn’t.” Billy responded, throwing an arm over his brother’s waist as a sign of comfort.

 

“Yes she does.” Tommy mumbled, burying his face into his pillow. It looked like some spots on it were wet already.

 

“She’s just angry right now.” Billy assured him, rolling over to throw a leg over Tommy too. Tommy let out a grunt of disapproval at that.

 

“I’ve never seen her that angry before.” Tommy’s voice was muffled, a tremor in it just being able to be heard.

 

“I have. Seen her angrier once, actually.” Billy told him. “It was terrifying.”

 

“When?” Tommy asked through a yawn.

 

Billy paused for a moment, tightening his hold on Tommy, “When you came back from the exchange program with the Shepherds. I thought she was going to kill someone.”

 

Tommy tensed, and then pulled away from Billy. Neither said anything more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so obviously this is update irreguraly and is sort of a trash fic. Meaning i don't really try hard on it, just write this one for the fun of it. If you have ideas or headcannons and want to talk about them I would love to discuss it with you, so you can leave a comment or go on over to my tumblr. I'm gaysupersoldiers.


	3. Chapter 3

**Maximoff Household II**

 

The sun was barely on the horizon when the alarm blared, the camera transitioning from the outside of a modest sized two story to the inside, focusing in the doorway of what had to be the master bedroom. Sitting in the middle of the bedroom was a king sized bed, a man wearing only boxers splayed across it. 

 

An alarm clock went off, startling the man into jumping off the bed and landing on the floor, hard. The man’s muffled groan was drowned out by the sound of a door being slammed open, the sound of wood on wood unmistakable. 

 

The camera zoomed in on the man’s form on the ground, catching the end of a mumbled sentence, “goddamn, Tommy.”

 

…

 

PRINCE THOMAS

 

“I like to drive Billy and Luna to school,” The white haired teen spoke, mumbling around the nail he was chewing on, “Gets me out of the house. I mean sure I have to drop ‘em off about a block away because of the court order, but other than that its a pretty good system. I also pick ‘em up.”

 

He looked into the camera, a smirk on his face, “Those kids haven’t bothered Billy since the accident.”

 

…

 

“Bye, Daddy!” Luna kissed her father, still only dressed in his boxers and looking half asleep as she grabbed her older cousin’s hand and skipped to the car hazardly parked halfway in the yard and halfway on the actual driveway. There were similar skid marks and divots in the grass that looked older. 

 

The camera’s followed as Tommy strapped Luna in her booster seat, double and then triple checking it. Tommy had somehow wrestled her long hair into two high ponytails, with barrettes and a few braids throughout it, after shoving some cereal towards her earlier in the morning.

 

Billy was snoring lightly against the passenger seat window, breath fogging up the glass. 

 

After being swatted away by Luna when he once again tugged on the straps holding her seat, Tommy walked to the driver’s seat, climbing into it and pulling out of Pietro’s driveway, his wheels tearing up the grass even more. Pietro stood from the doorway of his house, sighing loudly as he saw the dirt fly.

 

“Every damn time…” was muttered before he turned and slammed the door behind him.

 

…

 

“Hey, Tommy!” Luna chirped, swinging her feet and kicking the seat in front of her. Billy jolted for a moment, before settling down again against the glass. 

 

“What’s up, pipsqueak?” He glanced at her in his mirror, before darting back to the road, honking at another car. Billy slept through it. 

 

“Is it true that you’re evil?” She asked, blue eyes widening as he swore and swerved before catching himself.

 

“Who told you that?” He asked, voice trembling.

 

“Some of the kids in my class…” Luna looked guilty for upsetting her cousin, chewing on her bottom lip. 

 

Tommy swallowed, trying to gather his thoughts.

 

“I don’t think you are.” Luna cut him off when he opened his mouth, “I think you’re like Stitch, and that you’re just misunderstood.”

 

“Thanks, baby.” He muttered, swiping at his eyes as he pulled into the far parking lot. He got out of the car to unbuckle her, hands shaking as he pulled at the buckle.

 

“I’d know if you were evil, Tommy.” She told him, “I’d feel it.”

 

He smiled at her softly, tugging on her left ponytail, “Well its good to know that you have my back.”

 

She nodded solemnly, one kid pudgy hand clumsily touching his face before she struggled to be put down and walked to the school gates, head held high.

 

“She’s right, you know.” Billy mumbled, stretching his limbs. He cracked one eye open, grinning at his brother.

 

“She thinks she’s right.” Tommy shot back, scrubbing at his face.

 

“Tommy, shut the hell up.” Billy told him, turning to face his him.

 

“Get the fuck out of my car, nerd.” Tommy shot back.

 

After Billy left, Tommy’s hands still shook and he took a shuddering breath. He looked straight in the camera and said, “Air this shit and I’ll fucking kill you.”

 

…

 

Tommy pulled back into Pietro’s driveway sometime later, this time fully on the stone. He walked to the door, just opening it himself and strolling right it. 

 

“I do have a doorbell.” Pietro muttered from where he was laying on his couch, one arm carelessly thrown over his eyes.

 

“You know Billy and I broke that like two months ago.” Tommy muttered back, dropping heavily into the old recliner by the fireplace.

 

“Oh, yeah,” Pietro said, “With the football, right?”

 

“No,” Tommy answered, “That was the attic window. The doorbell was the skateboard.”

 

“I thought that was your mother’s vase.” Pietro sat up, reaching for the coffee mug on the table in front of the couch. 

 

“The vase was all Billy’s fault. He should know better than to use his powers indoors.” Tommy opened his eyes to grin at his uncle, impersonating his mother’s voice.

 

“Oh, I see.” Pietro grinned back, “And the microwave was also Billy then?”

 

“Of course it was.” Tommy laughed. “Who else could manage that.” He laughed for a little bit more, before sobering up, staring at the wall past Pietro.

 

“What’s up?” Pietro asked, noting his nephew’s eyes glazing over.

 

“Nothing.” Tommy answered, voice flat, “Just thinking.”

 

…

 

PRINCE PIETRO

 

“I was glad that Luna did not turn out to be a speedster.” Pietro confessed, eyes darting to his nephew who was snoozing on his shoulder, “We lost both Tommy and Billy a few dozen times when they were infants. Tommy would run and Billy would teleport.”

 

He shrugged, jostling the teenager who just lifted a hand to swat at his uncle’s face.

 

“I prefer my human lie detector much better.” He looked into the camera, rolling his eyes and Tommy turned and clung to him.

 

“I prefer her very much.”

 

…

 

Tommy was standing in the baby isle of one of Genosha’s many Targets. He seemed to be deciding between two different brands of diapers. 

 

“What do you mean you don’t know which one to get?” Tommy hissed into his cell phone, looking more and more panicked. “You had us!”

 

No one spared even a passing glance to the increasingly upset prince. 

 

“Yeah, mom, I know that was 16 years ago.” Tommy argued back, “But I’d think you’d remember what to get!”

 

Behind him, an employee cleared their throat, trying to get his attention.

 

“I gotta go. Love you, bye.” Tommy told his mother, spinning on his heel to come face to face with one of the most attractive people he ever met. 

 

“Sorry to interrupt.” The young man said, though he couldn’t have been much older than Tommy, “But we were getting some complaints about your volume.”

 

“Oh, sorry-” his eyes darted down to the young man’s name tag, “David, I’m doing some errand running for my mom, my little brother is due to be born any day now.”

 

David nodded like it was the most important mission he had ever heard of, “I have a few younger siblings. My mom always used Huggies.”

 

Tommy nodded earnestly, pulling the entire supply of diapers into his cart. 

 

It was as he was loading them into his car- correct sizing too! -that he wished he asked for David’s phone number. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i know its been three years but it could be worse
> 
> comments fuel me
> 
> im currently watching the Gifted and am definitely going to add stuff from that in here. 
> 
> tumblr is gaysupersoldiers@tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> These are probably going to be shorter chapters, and updated whenever i feel like taking a break from my bigger projects. Comments fuel me.
> 
> my tumblr is gaysupersoldiers, so go bug me there, or send me headcannons or even requests.


End file.
